Friday, November 11, 2022

Robbing the food bank but leaving a tip

Somethings gotta be done about my wallet weight. When did celery become $3? There's not even calories in it, it has negative calories because of how much you have to chew it. But my bloody mary's have been sad without them. Celery would be a healthy midnight snack if chewing it didn't wake up the entire apartment complex. I could really go for a celery stick and some PB or ranch right now,  but ice cream is much quiter.

So, maybe I won't feel so bad about taking charity from the food bank, if I steal it, and then leave a tip. The true capitalist way, steal and tip, nothing for free. Be weary of anything too simple, logical or kind. Steal the shit that was free to start with, then toss a fiver out the window as you peel out.

The concept, entity and practical existence of pride boggles my mind. Pride, for some reason, non-liminal to me, gets plenty of good press, but ain't it just stubborness? Ain't pride just the perfect reason for someone to do something illogical or selfish and say, well at least I have pride? Pride seems to fuck over others in an attempt to resist personal change, growth, and difficulty. I've got no qualms with viewing pride as just anti-humility and outdated. 

Google search "Scarfing Celery"

Edits to Edition 48, cuz typewriter too damn loud for the hour.

ORIGINAL: "..., the stronaut puts on quotation cap-photographer" THIS MAKES NO SENSE, boy was I extra.

EDITED: the stronaut puts on his ass sass backwards and braves the unknown while wetting thyself a wittle. 😎

Raver Tip #204: