Robbing the food bank but leaving a tip

Somethings gotta be done about my wallet weight. When did celery become $3? There's not even calories in it, it has negative calories because of how much you have to chew it. But my bloody mary's have been sad without them. Celery would be a healthy midnight snack if chewing it didn't wake up the entire apartment complex. I could really go for a celery stick and some PB or ranch right now,  but ice cream is much quiter.

So, maybe I won't feel so bad about taking charity from the food bank, if I steal it, and then leave a tip. The true capitalist way, steal and tip, nothing for free. Be weary of anything too simple, logical or kind. Steal the shit that was free to start with, then toss a fiver out the window as you peel out.

The concept, entity and practical existence of pride boggles my mind. Pride, for some reason, non-liminal to me, gets plenty of good press, but ain't it just stubborness? Ain't pride just the perfect reason for someone to do something illogical or selfish and say, well at least I have pride? Pride seems to fuck over others in an attempt to resist personal change, growth, and difficulty. I've got no qualms with viewing pride as just anti-humility and outdated. 

Google search "Scarfing Celery"

The Raver Tip ed. 1

The Raver Tip wants to exist in a non-digital world. However, to accomodate the joy of spreading wisdom/ foolishness a redacted version of edition 1 lay here before your sweet raver pupils. What did we take out? Curses, punchlines, passive verbs, incrimination all failed our AI’s protocol. So, the only way to get the real thing would be to find me at a rave or go ahead and purchase a mail subscription. The Tip has grown to 27 editions, and it took 40 months to put this online. So at a linear rate,you will always be 3 years behind. So grab the real thing (not available at stores; only bars, clubs, raves, campouts and in your mailbox).

Magic Cards: Don’t Do It

Warm off the plenum. Here’s more bonus material.

Raver Tip Newsstand @ Sunset Campout

What chaos! Welp, we did it. The Raver Tip erected a shanty booth at Belden town for the magical Sunset Campout. We invented a dice game to determine which article you received and to give away mind controlling collector cards and candy. Basically you rolled a 20 or a 12 sided die (or both) and if you got the highest roll you won a prize and a bonus spin. One contestant (bless her magic luck) won 2x in a row and took home the grand prize of anything on the table. She took the complete Raver Tip catalog!
Z

Anyway, we tried not to get any pictures of the booth, but the federail came over and snapped some cute pics. Thanks to the Dr. for her writing and do it all support, and Maroon Enterprises for supplying the temp known as “Joe.” Thanks also to hand piece sr. for all the excellent interviews. Looking forward to doing this again, but with a much larger news team. We definitely needed a news anchor (although we did hire one, check’s in the mail Ms. Smith), paper delivery folk, weather woman, on site field reporter (please study MXC’s Guy LeDouche for example work), maybe a cameraman and a key grip. 
Z
Which brings me to the non-filler content of thisblast... We need a dungeon master! To avoid lawsuits it will technically be called a Warehouse Master, for the new sport: Warehouses and Ravers. Basically you run a mini nerd campaign winning tipsand prizes along the way.
Z
WAREHOUSES AND RAVERS 
Z
Step 1: RELAXStep 2: MONIKER: roll a 4 sided die to get a character. You will acquire a raver moniker (and abilities!) from a 80s baseball card or a magic card. Prizes: cardsStep 3: TRANSPORTATION: roll a 6 sided die to see how and if you make it to the rave. Prizes: candy

Step 4: ATTIRE + WEAPONS: roll a 10 sided die to pick the functionality and astetics of your gear. Prizes: sorg shorts + knives + swordsStep 5: DRUGS: roll a 12 sided die to see if you get high or drop a stash in the porto. Go for bonus spins! Prizes: pixie sticksStep 6: VENUE EXPLORATION: roll a 16 sided die todetermine the warehouse/ club and to see if you can find any secret passages. Prizes: treasure mapsStep 7: DJs: roll a 20 sided die to see if there are any secret legendary guest dj appearances, or if the DJs k-hole and fuck everything up. Here’s where you get your raver tips and get to hear hot or putrid tracks and can win big. Prizes: full subscriptions, catalogs, anything on the table.
Z
Still making this shit up, but play acting, and voiceovers will help make this more popular than texas holdem. If you roll a bunk roll you may get 86’d from the campaign unless you can divulge us with your own raver tips or take a super soaker to the ————————- (body part).
Z
So inspiring to receive all the radiant and confusing feedback, thank you to everyone who stopped by and to all the new friends made :)





Tip from actual camper- Raver Tip #4.5: sideways cordurooooooy pants!