The Raver Tip ed. 1

The Raver Tip wants to exist in a non-digital world. However, to accomodate the joy of spreading wisdom/ foolishness a redacted version of edition 1 lay here before your sweet raver pupils. What did we take out? Curses, punchlines, passive verbs, incrimination all failed our AI’s protocol. So, the only way to get the real thing would be to find me at a rave or go ahead and purchase a mail subscription. The Tip has grown to 27 editions, and it took 40 months to put this online. So at a linear rate,you will always be 3 years behind. So grab the real thing (not available at stores; only bars, clubs, raves, campouts and in your mailbox).

The Writing Process

Writer’s block lives just around the block. Here in this picture I share a part of my writing process which can help me get past that initial barrier. I make lists of words I want to know, or like, or want to know better while I read. I am not the type of person to stop and say “oh what does MILCH mean,” stop reading and look it up. I just write it down if I can reach my pen without getting up and jot it down quickly. Then, later, if I feel like writing but not quite feeling it, I take out the paper (doubles as my bookmark) and look up a few words (MILCH denotes a cow or animal used for milk).

Sometimes I just look over the completed ones when I’m writing to look for spicy words. Since I use a typewriter typos have a firm residence in my work, so I don’t really care if I use these new words just perfectly correct.

I don’t aim for mastering these word definitions and don’t study them. It would be nice to say I have added a couple to my vocabulary, but mostly these lists function as kindling for writing (not literally). 

Magic Cards: Don’t Do It

Warm off the plenum. Here’s more bonus material.

Edition 27 Release Nov. 22

Here lies above a sneak peak

A tired title of a tireless paper

Getting mail makes some “eek”

Or do donuts in your scraper

Digitalis Uneditis

Raver Tip # 001: If your shirt comes to you inside out, don't waste time right-siding it, just aim the tag for the back of the neck and go in head first.

Digitalis Uneditis:

Typewriters express our beauties more easily than any other form. Long hand can feel like art and our handwriting can award deep personal connection, but rarely do our thoughts slow down to that speed though. Computers... aw computers, you have heard too much. The computer keys don't clack as loud, I'll give the computer the nod when the roommates sleep, but the typewriter really wins every other time though. With a typewriter you can't afford to write bullshit, the ribbon has its limited length, plus deleting hazards make it so you really give it your best on the first take. The digitalis affords many chrysalis of haphazard “why not” bullshit, plus the competition online helps make digital shit lost in a swirling john stream of cuntiousness.

"Forget trying to write on a tablet, Dweebis."
          Typos, let's explain how typos warrant the typewriter the title belt. When you typo on a computer, that little red squiggly line chastises you into breaking your thought. Goodbye Freudian slips and more so the problem, whoops there out the window goes your thought development. On the typewriter, you will look back at the end most likely, because, well, it already made it onto paper, and then you must kinda pick and choose what you can replace. Your other words block you in so your hand usually gets forced into shortening your work, and broadly spoken, that parameter usually will help the reader. Blah, blah, the computer program says “page 1 of 1” and implore to write 2 pages, 5, more, more, 100, sure. No sweat off a skinned computer's back. A typewriter works one page at a time, each one has gotta be dragged outta the damn machine, placed somewhere else and a new one found. A shitty page gets crumpled, aww the sensual joy of crumpling, not so with the word processor.

          But the biggest joy of the typewriter, hands down the qwerty skirt, is the romantic excursion it takes you upon, first class. The sound of the keys, and the hammers on the paper and plenum, the little ding of the bell at the end of line, the shuttering back to alignment for the next line, all that resonates in your ear with the beauty of steel. Every key strokes reminds you of the real world connecting with the solid physical word. Forget trying to write on a tablet, Dweebis. A computer with keys still has a little bit of that ear pleasure. The eyes though, the sight of your work printed, holy smokes, you produced already, from letter one! And definitely no glare or blinding occurs on a typewriter, light up your page with dancing candle flame to really give soul power to that ghouly spirit beast of a machine. Computers induce squinting, you definitely look in pain, think about it, and pain does exist there staring at a bright busy screen with hundreds of buttons.The computer can easily outmatch the linguist with mere button clutter. A computer wizard may know all the buttons in OpenOffice sure, but that pre-req forbids many writers with intriguing tales. With the typewriter you see you, your publication, the paper you chose, the indents on the back of the page, your errors and all. It is true.          Finally, the typewriter probably smell better, and smell (according to people that say things), connects to memory the strongest, smell induces emotions easily I think they say too. A typewriter might not smell, but some smell of the past, of steel and oil and unguent. Anyway this piece wrote itself on a computer, so go figure. Too daunting to go back and edit this, I don't even wanna look.

Edition 26 Delayed

Welp, I must send in a small order of apologizes with an extra large side of fries.

Edition 26 promised to be the greatest of them all, to be mailed from Black ROck City, dripping with that smelly organic soot. Unfortunately I couldn't finish in time, brought my typewriter to the burn, then lost the original anyway. I never even busted out the typewriter, for why? Nobody knows. Hopefully someone ground scored the original, took over my endeavors with a Dutch translation and now distributes the raver tip to hardcore European ravers at mass quantities.

So please be patience good subscribers. I do have draft copies I considered sending out, but my receptionist still has yet to be hired and I'd rather not send out some subpar BS akin to edition 13.

Raver Tip Newsstand @ Sunset Campout

What chaos! Welp, we did it. The Raver Tip erected a shanty booth at Belden town for the magical Sunset Campout. We invented a dice game to determine which article you received and to give away mind controlling collector cards and candy. Basically you rolled a 20 or a 12 sided die (or both) and if you got the highest roll you won a prize and a bonus spin. One contestant (bless her magic luck) won 2x in a row and took home the grand prize of anything on the table. She took the complete Raver Tip catalog!
Z

Anyway, we tried not to get any pictures of the booth, but the federail came over and snapped some cute pics. Thanks to the Dr. for her writing and do it all support, and Maroon Enterprises for supplying the temp known as “Joe.” Thanks also to hand piece sr. for all the excellent interviews. Looking forward to doing this again, but with a much larger news team. We definitely needed a news anchor (although we did hire one, check’s in the mail Ms. Smith), paper delivery folk, weather woman, on site field reporter (please study MXC’s Guy LeDouche for example work), maybe a cameraman and a key grip. 
Z
Which brings me to the non-filler content of thisblast... We need a dungeon master! To avoid lawsuits it will technically be called a Warehouse Master, for the new sport: Warehouses and Ravers. Basically you run a mini nerd campaign winning tipsand prizes along the way.
Z
WAREHOUSES AND RAVERS 
Z
Step 1: RELAXStep 2: MONIKER: roll a 4 sided die to get a character. You will acquire a raver moniker (and abilities!) from a 80s baseball card or a magic card. Prizes: cardsStep 3: TRANSPORTATION: roll a 6 sided die to see how and if you make it to the rave. Prizes: candy

Step 4: ATTIRE + WEAPONS: roll a 10 sided die to pick the functionality and astetics of your gear. Prizes: sorg shorts + knives + swordsStep 5: DRUGS: roll a 12 sided die to see if you get high or drop a stash in the porto. Go for bonus spins! Prizes: pixie sticksStep 6: VENUE EXPLORATION: roll a 16 sided die todetermine the warehouse/ club and to see if you can find any secret passages. Prizes: treasure mapsStep 7: DJs: roll a 20 sided die to see if there are any secret legendary guest dj appearances, or if the DJs k-hole and fuck everything up. Here’s where you get your raver tips and get to hear hot or putrid tracks and can win big. Prizes: full subscriptions, catalogs, anything on the table.
Z
Still making this shit up, but play acting, and voiceovers will help make this more popular than texas holdem. If you roll a bunk roll you may get 86’d from the campaign unless you can divulge us with your own raver tips or take a super soaker to the ————————- (body part).
Z
So inspiring to receive all the radiant and confusing feedback, thank you to everyone who stopped by and to all the new friends made :)





Tip from actual camper- Raver Tip #4.5: sideways cordurooooooy pants!

Typewriter Gunmouth 4 Hire

Here lies the 4th article of edition 14. We do not plan to post the precious Raver Tip content here (without heavy redaction and censoring), but this well-written ad really synopsizes the work we look for. Plus, as it says at the end, we sick of trimming. Send an email to TheRaverTip@gmail.com to receive your very own custom irreverent brazen mind dumps.

How long you think the zilla guy stood there, based on the God guy’s wrap around shades.. I’ma guess only long enough for the picture.

Easy question here, but guess who owns this butt vortex? First to correctly answer will receive a free trial Raver Tip mail order membership.

One Fragment at a Time

Writing initiative comes fleetingly; so, any time a sentence of worth pops into my head that’s occasion enough to fire up the generator and plug in the typewriter.

Sneak preview of something? Maybe nothing. 

. 

So the Beautiful Song Bird’s Singing Woke Me Up

Now I lay wide awake, unwanting to get up and accidentally wake up the rest of the house. Whatever bird sang those tunes though... wow, really dropped some hot notes. Chilling. Sounded almost like techno, but all analog and beautiful, such range this avion possesses. Seriously, humans suck at singing, like all of them, compared to this bird. Phenomenal work, couldn't be more impressed. Anyway, the song riveted me into consciousness and so here I am trawling the web for cheap shit for The Raver Tip booth. Big announcement coming soon!

But yes here are some of the gems I found in the weehours:
. 

Probably just as worthless as a dremel drill, but possibly the newest thing since the typewriter.

Slanging dogs

I may actually cop some cbd juice

A full rave in 9-16 seat segments

Pretty serious about upgrading my pathetic comforter game too, maybe not during the 100• weather though. Or... buy low, sell high? Get it now?

Pretty dope, maybe I’ll put in one of those asshole half price offers. Really don’t need a motorcycle tho. Focus...

Clearly the oldest golf cart on the paths today.

Check yourself into the rave.

Foldable booth? Renegade...https://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/for/d/san-leandro-beast-1-dj-event-facade/6920424375.html

Well that does it for tonight. Shopping complete without blowing any holes in any accounts.

Deer in a Rave Light

For the first time in 3 weeks I departed ways from a typewriter. After bringing my travel type buddy along to Mexico and Alaska, I thought we both needed a break. Big mistake. Well, no we needed a break. I don’t know whT I’m saying... I left it at home instead of taking it to the woods. Wow this paragraph sure fell down outta the gates. 

Fuck words, I’m still drain bread from the rave this last weekend. What an idiot! Here’s some pics.. I took 4 or 5 the entire time :)

Horrible plastic packaging for “LED”s which contribute to the major problem of plastic! Can I get a goddamn candle or halogen please!! LEDs and those curly bulbs can suck one.

Mama deer, trying to eat Kat’s crackers or licorice

Mama deer inspecting my bullshit cooler without a drain valve (desperately lacking ice, beer and easy to eat food as well). & cute little ones in background.

Excellent diagram/ map for Deringer to find a camp spot.

Cute cat tapestry saving our asses from the cruel sun

Bringing records to the closing dj to “help” his 6/7/8 hr marathon set. He played it! Woot. Hurray for ocean waves captured on vinyl, viva hawaii!

ZorgManeuver

Cool shit from Vancouver

Jump don’t slide.

You can smoke weed out front the airport

Got a techno record, cool shop

Salvador Dali

Atop the Space Needle thing

Raver Tip’s Anchorage Office

Midnight Sun Cafe Zero writing accomplished.

“Summertime” Sublime and Gorillazon the Turbo Sound

Typewriter #3 Goes Down

The Raver Tip graciously received a generous donation of 2 Brother StudentRiter XL1s from superfans. Unfortunately, amidst a breaking of the damn dam they call Writer’s Block some god forsaken injury occured to the away team Typewriter (#3). Maybe typewriter #3 has a contract with the Warriors. All of a sudden the ribbon started to ride too high, so the “thwackers” -anvils with the letters on the end- would not hit the ribbon. 

  Guess this bad boy needs to go to the shop, if it can’t be fixed on my near homeless guy budget, we need to consider a last will and testament.

1) 

There’s Jeremy Mayer that turns typewriter parts into sculptures https://pin.it/lvx34dtv2xzb3b

2)

Roof Test it.

Viva la science, a 40 story fall into jello would be a fitting end for such a loyal servant.

3) Sell it out to Hollywood.

Maybe we could destroy it on film. Would be poetic to use a Super 8. If I could find my super 8 camera (grandma probably threw it away) and get that repaired... Dear Money, why have you forsaken me? But yes, M-80s and an iphone slow motion video comes to mind. Rest in pieces word machine!

But whatever! We just got an analog JC Penney Caravele 12 typewriter, that’s the fourth for those keeping score, which may need some refurbishing. Sticking it to the man without a power chord must be prioritized.

Here’s some images of what’s going on with #3 that won’t make sense unless yur a retro machine nerd.

The blue thing (ribbon) is supposed to be way lower.

Probably nothing wrong here, just looks techno.

Check Your Mailboxes Soon

Edicion Veinte y Dos should be arriving Sat, Mon, or in faraway lands as late as Tuesday to the mailbox nearest you.

Proof I’m Not A Bot

How the Magic matriculates

Ways 2 Subscribe to The Raver Tip

Usually ravers write down their address on a cutie, a lighter, or in playa dust. But we have now entered the 21st Century and offer more frustrating methods to

subscribe. All hail the fail that is the internet.
All editions will remain in paper form only, the site will have bonus material.

Tweaker Starbucks

        Six people sit here in this Starbucks, currently only 33% qualify tweakers. Just five minutes ago a pack of six tweakers left. Needless to say, no one buys anything here. Well, I don't either, I'm already jacked up on 6oz of free coffee from the bank, and my mouth's dryness level prohibits madeleine consumption. I guess cafes in Yochtown (Antioch) can't compete with Starbuck's professional skills at ignoring the freeloaders. No competition here, except by the Starbucks in the Safeway a good solid stones throw away and the other Starbucks a mile away. Shiva forbid I go to the bagel Street Cafe, even more depressing there, acutely depressing, well, maybe not.
        Now, more action! Some steroid guy in a white-tee acting hard while asks for his latte to be remade because of too much cinnamon. Get ready for the demeaning sentence of the day: "You want me to tell you what it is.. a snicker doodle." How cute, I never said it, Dr. Banner did. Man I gotta get outta here. Get back to my typewriter.
        Ohp, here come tweakers five and six to recover their abandoned fat tire bike painted like a burning man yellow bike (green) and their fog machine. Damn I shoulda borrowed that fog machine, lit shit off in this beotch. More riveting action to come, next time with actual content!

UPDATE:
        I leave this barista purgatory and get in my -about to fall apart- VW Passat when...Tweak 5 and Tweak 6 start getting stereo-typically aggressive. Not towards me, but to each other. Sure enough these wise words were spoken "I'll square off with you right here! And then I'll tell my brother and he'll come fuck all y'all up." (I'm not sure who the "brother" or "all y'all" are).
They talk a little longer, I light a smoke, didn't think anything would actually happen, I guess I forgot one of these guys was walking around with a fog machine. Then... wham, they "square off", one guy pushes an innocent Starbucks umbrella over at the other guy, it hits my car's hood (a glancing blow, my car's on life support anyway). But it was on, for serious, I didn't see any punches landed, but I didn't want to watch. I wanted to yell something, "stop" or  'relax" or "love one another" but I knew it probably wouldn't work, probably would get my window broken with a fog machine.
        In a memory flash I remembered the last fight I witnessed between a bunch of collared shirt bros in SF's toxic Broadway stripper district. At the time I thought it was entertaining until an innocent and very intoxicated bro got clocked pretty bad, then it was just gross. So yeah I remembered that, and just how gnarly fist fighting is in person, it's not entertaining or exciting it's just dumb. I got the hell outta there.